How doing something you want to do, can be your biggest threat
I purchased my WordPress PRO account 7 months ago for and didn’t start writing until right now. 7 MONTHS. It took me a whole half year to start writing literally ANYTHING AT ALL.
I just ate the chunk of cash that it costs for a WordPress Pro account (they suckered me into upgrading to the business plan too :'( [which costs even more]) .
During these 6 months, I had an excruciating amount of deeply buried anxiety and self-loathing. All for what? Writing a blog in late-2019 is as interesting as ordering a croissant with a chai tea; nice but nothing to write home about.
Yet, I still put so much pressure on myself to be the best blog writer ever. And I couldn’t figure out what was holding me back.
I was tired of my job working at an Elementary school as a glorified yard-duty (I use “glorified” very liberally) in the after-school program.
I needed to do something creative. Possibly, eventually foray into the world of freelance writing as a career. I chose a blog because I enjoy writing and I could showcase my ability, whatever amount that may be.
I could not for the Got-damn life of me start writing!
“What could be the perfect blog post that would set me off on the right track? “
” What would serve as the perfect springboard to launch all of my ideas and channel my writing into one cohesive and steadily evolving stream of consciousness?”
“If I write a political post then, everything had to be something political and topical to be taken seriously.”
“If I write a funny post, then it would never allow me to be serious again because it would throw off the tone of my entire body of work.”
“Should I call it quits and write about going to the gym and healthy recipes?”
I was just scared. And I was trying to plan my entire blog out before even beginning.
But why was I scared at all?
What is there to be afraid of when writing a blog? Well, since you asked…
- Being judged on my essentially writing an online public diary
- Leaving a somewhat stable job for an undefined and rather facetiously viewed creative outlet
- No one caring about what I have to say
Everything changed once I figured, nobody really gives a fuck about your blog so you might as well just let that shit fly. And if I keep trying to write while being scared about what people will think you never will fly at all!
I realized I just needed to get over myself and understand that the stakes aren’t that high.
I was furious at myself imagining that I SHOULD be like this douche:
All the while feeling like this guy:
In a rare moment of illumination, I decided to just “meta” the shit out of this thing and write about my experience not being able to write. HA! Stick it to the man!
I stopped trying to put myself in a box. I lowered my egotistical expectations of myself. I’ve committed to simply writing about what I know and care about. And in the end, who really cares? Sometimes we need a little more Rick in our life than Morty if you will.
“nobody really gives a fuck about your blog”– a wise and handsome man
Why should you care?
If you’re still reading this then you’re a beast and maybe you can relate and/or are struggling starting your own blog or creative project?
If you are in the same boat as me I will say these things,
1.) Just do it, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s probably going to suck but everyone sucks the first time they do anything.
2.) You might never “figure it out” all the way. Most people figure it out along the way.
3.) If that doesn’t help, just relax. Don’t beat yourself up. If you truly care about it eventually you will get around to it. Trust yourself that you won’t let yourself NOT do so.
If you’re STILL reading, get a life. JK I love you and your beautiful soul and perfect skin. If you wondered what finally triggered my sudden move into action I’m not entirely sure. Although, aside from getting tired of crippling self-deprication, it may have had a little to do with a thing I like to call, “NO SMOKE NOVEMBER.”
But that is for another day… stay tuned ;).
Look at me! I’m writing my blog.